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Tamil Software
அழகி மென்பொருள்
  
Tamil-English bilingual webmagazine dedicated to education of the masses through E-books, articles, worldwide informations, Slideshows,
Presentations on various subjects, photographs and images, moral and objective oriented stories and Lectures including audio and video

Webside humour

Courtesy: Raman, kalakad

(i) Webside humour

The power of repetition

A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique.

“The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!” he advised. “If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people’s throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don’t ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It’s the only way to get results!”

“Yes, sir!” the employee answered.

“And now, what was it you came in to see me about?” the boss asked.

The employee replied, “A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise!”

Raising children

An elderly gentleman was strolling through a quiet residential neighbourhood when he came upon a little boy sitting on the curb, crying. “What’s the trouble, son?” he asked. “Are you lost?”

“Worse than that,” the youngster sobbed. “Mom lost her book on child rearing and now she’s using her own judgment!”

Smart salesperson

A real estate agent had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.

“That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?” “Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!”

Clueless indicator

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. “I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”

Kid stuff

A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, “Who am I?”

Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?”

“WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognise me!”

Exam scare

Father to son after exam: “Let me see your report card.”

Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”

Remote shopping

“Cash, check or charge?” the billing clerk at a store asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet he noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” he asked.

“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

One-man workforce

Employee: “I have been here for 11 years doing three men’s work for one man’s pay. Now I want a raise”.

Boss: “Well, I can’t give you a raise, but if you’ll tell me who the other two men are, I’ll fire them”.

(ii) History does repeat itself…

Remember 1991! …India's GDP was 5%, Jagmohan Dalmiya was at the helm of BCCI, N R Narayana Murthy was at the helm of Infosys, Mian Muhammad Nawaz Sharif was the PM of Pakistan, Madhuri Dickshit was in Bollywood, Sanjay Dutt was in Jail?

Now in 2013… India's GDP is back to 5%, Jagmohan Dalmiya is back at the helm of BCCI, N R Narayana Murthy is back at the helm of Infosys, Mian Muhammad Nawaz Sharif is back as PM of Pakistan, Madhuri is back in Bollywood, Sanjay Dutt is back in Jail!

That's not all… The Calendar of 2013 is identical to the Calendar of 1991, Days, Dates, Festivals, et al… including the fact that the 4th of April, 6th of June, 8th of August, 10th of October and 12th of December in both 1991 and 2013 were/are Thursdays!

Collected by,

K.Raman

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